Invalidating news


Nonverbal self-invalidation is working too much, shopping too much or otherwise not paying attention to your own feelings, thoughts, needs and wants. It’s about accepting someone else’s internal experience as valid and understandable.

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Still the message is to not feel what you are feeling.

Nonverbal Invalidation Nonverbal invalidation is powerful and includes rolling of the eyes and drumming of fingers in an impatient way.

If someone checks their watch while you are talking with them, that is invalidating.

Showing up at an important event but only paying attention to email or playing a game on the phone while there is invalidating, whether that is the message the person meant to send or not.

Ridicule is a particularly damaging: “Here we go again, cry over nothing, let those big tears flow because the grass is growing.” Denying: “You are not angry, I know how you act when you’re angry,” and “You have eaten so much, I know you aren’t hungry,” invalidate the other person by saying they don’t feel what they are saying they feel.