But a lot of people won’t be, simply because they don’t like coconut cake. I want some double-chocolate fondant cake with a huge side of vanilla ice cream, But the most important realization was that there was nothing I could do to make me not appear as coconut cake to these guys. We just didn’t vibe — the same way Jeremy and I didn’t vibe.
I was the coconut cake to the guys who had ghosted. I had to start thinking of “I want a relationship” as a quality on par with “I want kids.” When someone told me the latter, I didn’t immediately assume that we were going to have kids together.
When I was in my early 20’s, my father told me that the best way to find what I was looking for was to write down all of the qualities I wanted in a partner. I still remember a few, because they’re qualities I continue to look for — creative, gets along with their family, down to earth, ambitious, has a “career” and not just a “job” (a very important distinction for a career-oriented gal like myself).
I ripped a page out of one of the many Moleskins I hoarded at the beginning of my journalism career and made two columns of qualities.
This realization has made it so much easier for me to get to know men, because I’ve re-prioritized the other qualities on my list so they’re just important as wanting a relationship. Luckily, I eventually realized that there's no "right" way to date, and that I need to find happiness within myself, no partner needed.
It’s Not You is where I write to calm the voices in my head — and hear from all of you.
Really attractive, though older than me (10 years older actually). At one point, we got onto the subject of relationships, men and women. I could answer it here, but you might as well just read the post all about it: Guy doesn’t text back Understanding Male-to-Female Attraction: Here are a couple of hot topics in the realm of male-female attraction. Here’s a whole bunch in that arena: Does He Like Me? There is a wide range of “does he like me” questions that I get. Short answer is that you can, but probably shouldn’t since you’ll be left wondering he would have done it had you not been such an “eager beaver”.